Novelty

Collapsible Middle Finger

$14.99 Etsy »

The wind up F you is one you'll always have, er, on hand and all, but this Collapsible Middle Finger accessory will make an even bolder statement when used to pepper your gestures and enhance your communication skills...

Freshly Baked Muscular Bear Bread

$29.99 Etsy »

I don't know which sounds worse: eating a bear; or eating a bear that's so jacked with muscles its flesh cooks all tough and rubbery. What's that? Try it raw? ... Uh, no. Cat sushi, maybe, but I draw the line at bear...

Dihydrogen Monoxide Warning Sticker

$9.99 - $11.49 Amazon »

The Dihydrogen Monoxide Warning Sticker is a must-have precaution for anyone with a swimming pool, a showerhead, or a Darth Vader Tea Kettle. Better safe than sued, right?...

Funny Car & Truck Unused Buttons Stickers

$7.99 Amazon »

Whenever another driver commits an egregious act on the road that almost kills me, or just really pisses me off, I always envision having a button on my car that shoots darts out from the undercarriage. Darts, of course...

Giant Inflatable Solar System with LED Lights

$2k Amazon »

I'm not sure "giant" is the word you want to be using when talking about a replica of our solar system. Even with the Sun being 9' and Jupiter 7' in diameter, these "Giant" Inflatable Solar System Balloons are still miniatures...

McKnuckleDuster - McDonald's Arches Knuckle Duster

Sold Out Etsy »

Brass knuckles, make way for gold...en arches knuckles. The McKnuckleDuster from R&B Creations is a 3D print of the iconic McDonald's arches doing their parabola thing over a set of knucks. And I'm McLovin' it. Are you...

Xanax Candle

$27.95 Amazon »

The Xanax Candle, while most obviously a gag gift or white elephant party offering, does endeavor to provide some anxiety relief like its namesake. OK, fine. Maybe not like its namesake, per se, but whatever level of...

Klein Bottle

Sold Out Etsy »

The Klein Bottle claims to be "the closest you'll get to a 4D object in our universe," and while I don't really understand what that means, I'll make a note to ask the Bing AI Chatbot about it later. What interests me...

P*ssy Pipe

$22.12 Etsy »

I'd hit that. The P*ssy Pipe from ceramic smoking pipe shop Fajni Fajky isn't just lit and smokin' hot, it's ready to be lit and smoked hot...

Advanced Tools Warning Sticker

$3.75 Etsy »

Now what is this Warning telling me? Something about tools? Let's see here... Warning: These tools are too advanced for your skill level. Please stick with...Fisher Price? What? Fisher Price? What does that - hey! That's...

Flipping the Bird Trophy

Tell me without telling me you'd like me to F off. That's the essence of this otherwise handsome Bird Trophy - no, Flipping the Bird Trophy - from Uncommon Goods...

3D Animal Car Window Decals

$18.59 Etsy »

Honk - no, hoink - if you like pigs busting out the back of car windows! Not all the 3D Animal Car Window Decals in the Andre Valois Shop are as realistic as the cheeky porker you see above, but I've pulled a shortlist...

Boxes in a Box Prank Gift

$49.99 Amazon »

Uh, is the price of the Boxes in a Box Prank Gift a prank too? And here's the other thing: while in an abstract sense I like the idea of watching someone get increasingly frustrated opening a packing product Russian Doll...

Bookie Cushion - Whoopee Cushion Bookmark

$7.50 Amazon »

The Bookie Cushion, a whoopee cushion Bookmark from Fred, accomplishes something very rare: it manages to be both the perfect gift for kids and the perfect gift for Dad this holiday season. It could easily slip into your...

Xbox Mini Controller Hoodie

$24.99 Xbox »

This Xbox Mini Controller Hoodie comes in 2 colors, but only one size. WTF, Microsoft?! You say you're all about diversity & inclusion, but then you go out and make an article of clothing for your gaming console that...

The Groaning Blobfish

$12.31 Amazon »

Uhhh, I have to get up. Uhhh, I have to go to work. Uhhh, I have to paint my mama's bathroom. Uhhh, I have to eat a meal with my in-laws and uhhhhhhhhh my Aunt Jan. Ain't nobody in need of a Groaning Blobfish more than...

The Pet Nugget

$8.95 - $10.15 Etsy »

Here's a lil' Pet Nugget to remind your lil' pet nugget you love them. Or to make them crave a 6-piece of real McNuggets all day long after you guilt them into keeping the taunting figurine on their desktop or dashboard...

Personalized George Costanza Beach Photobomb

$32.99 Etsy »

The original photobomb, credited to George Costanza on Seinfeld Season 9, Episode 7, "The Slicer," can now be yours. And not just yours in the hand, but yours in the face too! Shop Cafe Disco will personalize the iconic...

Never Gonna Give You Up Rick Roll QR Code Sticker

$4.95 Amazon »

I tried it. Works. Though the Never Gonna Give You Up Rick Roll QR Code Sticker doesn't just immediately start blasting Rick Astley's iconic earworm and ultimate prank song. It takes the QR code scanner to the video on...

Butt Hole Stretcher Prank Mail

$9.99 Etsy »

I saw this Butt Hole Stretcher Prank Mail piece from Design Doggie, and all I could think was, Wait. Is butt hole one word or two? I thought it was butthole, not butt hole. But then I was like, Ahhh, I get it. A deliberate...

Gender Reveal Exploding Golf Balls

Sold Out Amazon »

If you ask me, Gender Reveal Exploding Golf Balls are pretty silly. But also if you ask me, Gender Reveal Exploding Golf Balls are a helluva lot better than Gender Reveal Exploding Fireworks That End Up Causing One of...

The Man Fork

Discontinued

Eat like a pig...er, I mean, a man...a man pig (!) with The Man Fork from Clever Donkey. With 50% more tines than the average fork, this 6-pronged piece of silverware will have you spearing steak, scooping stir fries...

Penis Fishing Lure

$19.99 Etsy »

UFISH USA puts the following note about their Penis Fishing Lure at the end of the rod-for-a-rod's description, but I think it merits stating right upfront: "PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS NOT A SEXUAL TOY, THIS IS A REALISTIC...

Real Working Invisibility Shield

$65 - $395 Kickstarter »

I don't know how a real working Invisibility Shield really works, and I don't care. As long as it hides me from solicitors when I lounge in my mama's front yard, my friend Cornelius when I use it to scare the ever-loving...