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SPLATZ Bursting Hand Soap Bubbles

$4.99 - $14.99 One Fun »

SPLATZ are burstable bubbles filled with soap, made for kids to squeeze, smack, and, in true onomatopoeic form, SPLATZ! their way to clean hands. The soap bubbles endeavor to make washing up and de-germifying more fun...

Gift Wrap My Face Personalized Gift Wrap

$18.99 - $24.99 Gift Wrap My Face »

With Gift Wrap My Face personalized gift wrap on the outside, there's really no need to give them anything but an empty box on the inside*. It's the same idea as The medium is the message: the present is the presentation...

Give Me An Inch - Real Inch Ruler Necklace

$9.99 - $22.49 Etsy »

Here we have a real inch ruler necklace, entitled Give Me An Inch. I think it is the perfect gift for a frenemy, or my Aunt Jan, that is both an interesting piece of jewelry, and a passive aggressive way of indicating...

Anthony Men's Glycolic Exfoliating & Resurfacing Wipes

$25 Amazon »

My appreciation for wipes has grown exponentially as I've gotten older. Now I'm mostly talking about the wipes used on the opposite end of the body as Anthony Glycolic Exfoliating & Resurfacing Wipes, but I've also developed...

Nose Warmers

$6.04 - $15.11 Etsy »

Although a bit strange, Krystyna Dulinska's nose warmers are also a bit adorable. Especially the ones she crochets into animals, such as tigers and koalas and, my favorite, the sheep. Two wood stick thumbs up for the...

Squid Game Masks

$6.99 - $18.58 Amazon »

Despite the bleak, dystopian vibe emanating from Squid Game's actual story and content, the costumes you can build from these Squid Game masks and either head-to-toe black, or a pink jumpsuit, make Netflix's Korean survival...

TEMPTU Airbrush Self-Tanning System

$219 Amazon »

TEMPTU tempts us into the mists of its airbrush self-tanning system with the promise that we'll "Look on vacation indefinitely!" Hmmm. If they could somehow change that "Look" to a "Be," I'd be all in. But I'm a little...

Dr. Tung's Smart Floss Cardamom Dental Floss

$5.50 Amazon »

Last month I did something I don't do very often, which is go to the dentist, and after bulldozing and bludgeoning my teeth and gums they gave me the obligatory "goodie bag" of a toothbrush, toothpaste, and dental floss...

Wilson Dearborn Tailgater Pant

$98 Wilson »

Bonus points, Wilson, for blessing the Dearborn Tailgater Pant with an elastic waist. You know exactly what kind and quantity of food and drink sports fans will be partaking in while wearing them. Whether watching the...

Kim Kardashian Met Gala Halloween Costume

$99.99 Yandy »

Damn, fashion retailer Yandy was all over the Kim Kardashian Met Gala Halloween Costume. Just a week or so after Kim K showed up on Anna Wintour's gold carpet in literal head-to-toe black, lookin' all like a Sleepout...

LED Eyelashes with Lighting Effects

I don't know who gets more blinded by the light with these LED eyelashes, the person wearing them or the person seeing them, but hopefully no one gets too robbed of their sight, because the light and lighting effects...

Screamo Cherry-Scented Bubble Blower

$13.95 Lush »

I scream, you scream, we all scream for...bathtime? Happy splashing, happy blowing, happy skin-softening, and happy Halloween from the Screamo Cherry-Scented Bubble Blower. An inspired seasonal release from Lush, the...

14K Gold Michael Myers Pendant

$650 Aporro »

You gotta be a big fan of Michael Myers, Halloween, horror movies, and/or creeping people out to drop $650 on a 14K Gold Michael Myers Pendant. It's not even made of hand-cut diamonds - though I'm sure there's some cutting...

Superhero Weighted Sensory Costume for Kids

$69.99 - $99.99 Amazon »

This Superhero Weighted Sensory Costume is especially superhero suitable for the Halloween season upon us. But Dress Up to Calm Down's cape and velcro jumpsuit with integrated weights is intended as a fun and functional...

FlyDad FirstBorn Men's Diaper Backpack

$159 Amazon »

No, it's not a backpack for men's diapers. It's a diaper backpack for men. Thanks to my 4th grade teacher, Miss Dunkelberg, I was able to use the context clues of "FlyDad" and "FirstBorn" to determine this bag is for...

Jigsaw Puzzle Piece Prosthetic

$12.40 Etsy »

COVID and serial killers have made jigsaw puzzles so popular! The latter, John Kramer from the Saw film series, is the real inspiration behind this Jigsaw Puzzle Piece Prosthetic from Etsy shop Locked in the Cellar, but...

Dan Schaub Designs Masks

$300 - $999 Etsy »

Whether you're going for Boo! or Bow down! Dan Schaub's intricate, breathtaking deity masks will make terrified trick-or-treaters or mesmerized loyal subjects out of all who see you wearing one...

Full Face Mirror Sunglasses

$15.59 Amazon »

Full Face Mirror Sunglasses are convex configurations of UV-resistant PC panels and UV400 lenses made to protect not just your eyes, but also your nose and mouth, from the blinding and burning rays of the sun. And maybe...

Cabbage Patch Hat

$14 - $34 Etsy »

I'm dude enough to admit I had a Cabbage Patch Kid as a kid. I mean, a very young kid. I got rid of it by the time I was 4. OK, 8. His name was Dwight Matthew and he had dusty blond hair, curly as all get out, and wore...

Mirror Face Masks

$71 - $276 Etsy »

ETERE Shop's Mirror Face Masks aren't just stunning to look at, they're a timely addition to this year's Halloween costume - or daily mask wearing if you're an extra kind of dude or lady - that will help you socialize...

Zombie Wonder Woman Costume

$129.99 Etsy »

Maybe we'll be able to celebrate Halloween like normal this year, maybe...probably...we won't. But either way, we can celebrate BADINKA's Zombie Wonder Woman costume, not to mention the Zombie Wonder Woman modeling it...

Boobie Beanie for Breastfeeding Children...and Adults

$6 - $20 Etsy »

A child breastfeeding in a boobie beanie: it's the most heartwarming breasticle spectacle I ever saw! Crocheted by Maggie Bass of Maggie's Craft Sale, these Breast Beanies keep all the heat in your wee infant's head...

Dango MC01 Titanium Money Clip

Money, money, money, mooooneyyyy! Dango introduces the MC01 Titanium Money Clip for dudes who aren't into urban traveling light with just a few cards and a slim front pocket wallet. Dudes who don't care that cash is a...

Chip on Your Shoulder Costume

$24 Etsy »

Ah, the Chip on Your Shoulder Costume. Halloween garb that's as tasty as it is punny, and made especially for those like myself who aren't into the whole dress-up thing, and don't put much thought into what we're going...