Cement Penis Garden Statue (NSFW)
The Cement Penis Garden Statue is real. It's spectacular. And, at 16" long, it's porn-star-size. Which I guess is bad news if you were hoping to make a truly gargantuan, say, 6' long dick your newest garden statue, along with your latest attempt to convince the neighbors to keep their kids out of your yard. Try Googling, "Titan Penis Yard Art" for that.
But a 16" long (and 8" wide! and 6" deep!) Cement Penis Garden Statue is perfect for those who want to add just a touch of cock to their flower beds, front entry planters, or garden gnome colony.
Oh whoa! I just noticed the Cement Penis Garden Statue has a sturdy base made not only of testicles, but of human legs! Human legs that are definitely not proportionate to the size of the penis. Forget porn stars and titans, this is the penis of a fertility god. A penis that won't just spruce up your yard, but also spread its seed and bless you with a summer's bounty like never before. Sure, it might be a bounty that consists only of eggplants...even if you didn't plant eggplants...but still....
/10-images-i-cant-believe-are-43138.jpg?mode=crop "10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)")
10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)
And I mean very NSFW. I mean, it's not like I came across* these 10 images I can't believe are allowed on Amazon because I was searching for porn, boobies, or sex toys on Amazon. I was just minding my own business, perusing...
How to Pee with Morning Wood
A self-help guide to dealing with the enormous issue I face first thing in the morning every single day of my life and it's packaged as whimsical wall art that will add immeasurable character to my bathroom? How to Pee...
/private-gym-penis-trainer-15734.jpg "Private Gym Penis Trainer (NSFW)")
Private Gym Penis Trainer (NSFW)
It's the one body part P90X neglects. But before you reach for a Viagra to long-and-strongify your johnson, the Private Gym would like its shot at ripping your penis to shr-...uh... Maybe I'll go with a different idiomatic...
How to Live with a Huge Penis
Puberty was a really uncomfortable and difficult time for me. To the point that my mama went out and hired a shrink. At the end of the second session though he put his pen down and said, "Son, you really don't need me...
/wobbling-willy-your-face-on-28316.jpg "Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)")
Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)
Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...
/embarrassing-box-prank-mailer-26431.jpg?mode=crop "Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)")
Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)
D*ck in a Box is back! Just in time to dil-dole out some good times at the office and an April Fool's Day gift or two. Like many popular send-it-anonymously pranks, maker Witty Yeti will take a sworn oath to mail your...
/penis-weight-set-43612.jpg?mode=crop "Penis Weight Set")
Penis Weight Set
All the talk of building a prison body during quarantine made me seek out this penis weight set. Because while you can certainly do pushups, pullups, chinups, dips, and squats like a convicted felon, it's gonna be real...
Bimek SLV - The Sperm Switch (NSFW)
Condoms or Dr. Snip. It's slim pickin's for dudes in the contraception department. And condoms are kinda lame due to the whole desensitization thing. And a vasectomy is kinda lame due to the whole sterilization thing...
Infant Circumcision Trainer
Expecting parents who want to trim the fat from ever-rising hospital bills now have the option to save over $2,000 if they are willing to trim the skin from their newborn sons. Created by Ezra Messer, a mohel with more...
/pacos-taco-stroker-22826.jpg "Paco's Taco Stroker")
Paco's Taco Stroker
At first I was like, Who the h-e-double-boner named this kitchen tool "Paco's Taco Stroker?" I'm going to make so many masturbation jokes when I write about it. And then I looked closer and was like, Holy hard-on! They...
/tirecockz-prank-tire-valve-39733.jpg?mode=crop "Tirecockz Prank Tire Valve Stem Caps")
Tirecockz Prank Tire Valve Stem Caps
Ain't no practical joke more practical than Tirecockz. The ridickulous penis tire valve stem caps will humiliate your friend Cornelius (more than driving a Dodge Neon beater already does) but still protect his valve stems...
/heres-the-rub-the-best-male-45378.jpg?mode=crop "Here's the Rub: The Best Male Masturbatory Aids (NSFW)")
Here's the Rub: The Best Male Masturbatory Aids (NSFW)
The very best male masturbatory aids always have been and always will be porn - obviously - but recent developments in sex toy tech and gadgetry, and the fact that dating is even trickier during a pandemic than it is...