Duuuuuude Catnip Cat Toy
Duuuuuude is what I always feel like my cat, Zanzibar, is thinking when he looks at me. But not in a Duuuuuude Catnip Cat Toy kind of way, which suggests the thing in the cat's possession is better than two dead mice and an orgasm. More like in an exasperated, eye-rolling kind of way, which suggests the thing in the cat's possession (i.e., me) is so tedious and difficult not to kill in his sleep that the cat will just have to claw him on the cheek and upper lip while he's awake to release some ire and make spending yet another day in his company bearable.
All of this is to say, I will not be buying a Duuuuuude Catnip Cat Toy for my assholic duuuuuude cat, Zanzibar.