Bubi Collapsible Bottle

$16.99 - $24.99 Bubi Bottle »

Innumerable points to the Bubi collapsible bottle for calling itself a Bubi and including the option of affixing nipples to its top. Obviously. But in addition to these superficial treats, the Bubi bottle also boasts...

i'm Watch

$299 - $1,999 i'm Smart »

In 5 words or less: Italian-made Android wrist candy. i'm Watch pours smartphone functionality--from calls to texts to calendars to apps--into a sleek personal effect forged from your choice of aluminum, titanium, gold...

The 100 MPH Bicycle

And by 100 MPH Bicycle, Donhou Cycles really means Bicycle That Has Peaked at 60 MPH on the Open Road but Could Theoretically Make It to 100. I'm not sure how that theory was developed. I think it's how fast frame builder...

Shock & Awe Zombie Killer Knife

Sold Out Amazon »

If you missed out on the Chain Link Zombie Slayer Axe, console...and arm...and shock & awe yourself with this sick little zombie killing knife. Combining the functionality of a kitchen cleaver and the intimidating aesthetics...

Paper Log Maker

Discontinued

Look like less of a redneck burning your trash with this handy paper log maker. The deep metal box accepts newspapers, junk mail, cardboard, wood chips, and wrapping paper, but probably not Taco Bell bags because the...

ONDA Cycle

ONDA terms itself a recumbent stunt bike/trike that can also be used to commute to work. Commute to work? What am I, the imp from Game of Thrones? Cee Lo Green? I'm not willingly placing a 3-foot-high version of myself...

Freeze Dried Meat

$38.19 - $288.99 Amazon »

Japanese earwax magnifiers, freeze dried meat, Today's Special is: weirdness. Now someone take that mannequin's hat off so he'll stop yammering about sharing and being nice to people. Honeyville Rancher's Cut carnivorous...

High Resolution Ear Scope

Don't try to pretend like you don't want a 5x magnified, 13,000 pixel view of your earwax. The EarScope delivers a nearly perfect image of the Q-Tip zone to assist with cleaning or taking sick pleasure in watching a mountain...

Predator Helmet

$780 - $1,180 NLO Moto »

When Batman got a helmet it made Predator all jealous so he whined to NLO Moto, "WTF man? First he gets the higher budget movies and legitimate actors and then DC rejects my idea for a The Dark Knight v. Predator crossover...

Second Skin Star Wars Suits

$63.79 Costume Craze »

Costume Craze has released a whole line of Second Skin Star Wars suits for 2013, but I feel like if a man is going to put a definitive outline of the family jewels on display, the face of a Wookiee would complement them...

Haircut Umbrella

Sold Out Amazon »

Why did the Haircut Umbrella choose for its product model a kid who looks like he has been knocked cross-eyed by the schoolmates who rammed his head through a rain blocker, with its ability to catch flyaway hair clippings...

Superhero Keyboard Skins

Discontinued

Superheros and their nemeses covering the keys of my MacBook? Yahtzee! I mean, Shazam! Never before did I realize how boring and uninspired a black-and-white keyboard really is. Thank you, superhero skin genius Killer...

One-Way-Mirror Birdfeeder

Sold Out Amazon »

Can you imagine the anxiety, frustration, and ultimate sheer madness a one-way-mirror birdfeeder is going to cause in cats? As a passionate cat hater, I'm buying six. You think it's funny when you jump on my lap, nudging...

Cuts of Meat Dress

$62 Etsy »

I love beef, and I love girls, but somehow the combination of the two doesn't work so well for me. The cuts of meat diagram on this dress carries implications of objectifying women and also cannibalism, and that is so...

Yoda Pipe

Discontinued

Yoda pipe? Yes, I'll take one. I will also take one six-piece Chicken McNugget, a dozen Doritos Locos tacos, a deep dish pepperoni pizza with extra sauce, and three large Oreo Mint Blizzards. Thank you, and Happy 4/20...

Perpetual Calendar

Sold Out Amazon »

Oh, here's a desktop accessory I would knock over at least 5 times a day. It's called the Perpetual Calendar...of Frustration...and its duo of magnetic balls slide right and left and round and round to keep track of the...

Bathing Bad Meth-Inspired Bath Salts

Discontinued

One time when I was in New Orleans this voodoo lady tried to sell me some bath salts under the guise that they would enlarge my manhood if I soaked in them while listening to Prince's "Sexy MF", but I said, "No thank...

Mojo UFO Cuben Fiber Tent

Discontinued

The Mojo UFO is a Jetsons/Back to the Future II/Doctor Who/impenetrable shelter from the zombie virus outbreak sort of tent. Made of virtually indestructible space-age textile Cuben Fiber, the 2-person Mojo condenses...

Dragon Downspout Statue

$96.89 Amazon »

While I would prefer to have a dragon that breathes fire and prepares to reclaim Westeros for the rightful Queen, Daenerys Targaryen, I guess one that diverts water is an OK second. This gothic, gargoyle-inspired dragon...

Tourbillon Watches

Do you know what a tourbillon is? Besides Refined Hardware's ploy to get me to pay nearly $3,000 for their latest edition of watches? By definition a tourbillon is "a frame for the escapement of a timepiece, especially...

Temporary Eye Tattoos

$4 Etsy »

I can't tell if these temporary tattoos are attractive or look like someone taped a doily to your eye, but I think girls will like them, so as a nod to girls, I'm going to award Man Nga Liu's makeup alternatives relatively...

The Big Black Book of Very Dirty Words

$10.26 Amazon »

The Big Black Book of Very Dirty Words includes a fair number of terms I would use in my grandma's presence. "Auxter", an Irish/Scottish slang term for armpit. "Apples", meaning breasts. "All that and a bag of chips"...

Stealth Bomber Electric Bike

Discontinued

For a while I thought electricity would be a passing fad like World of Warcraft and John Travolta (twice) but it seems only to be gaining popularity over time. Stealth's Bomber electric bike certainly makes a case for...

Color-in Wallpaper

$53 Burger »

Color-in Wallpaper is kind of like I See You Wallpaper, but without the watchful eyes looming over your every move, passing judgment as you eat Hungry Man Dinners, and rolling into the backs of the heads you drew for...