Paco's Taco Stroker
/pacos-taco-stroker-22826.jpg "Paco's Taco Stroker")
- Mini Frozen Sex Doll - $399.99
- Twist Up Nipple & Clitoris Suction Devices - $12.95
- Penis & Boobs Pillows - $17.69
- Liberator Bonbon - $60.99
- Cleopatra Collection Clitoral Jewelry - $8.82
At first I was like, Who the h-e-double-boner named this kitchen tool "Paco's Taco Stroker?" I'm going to make so many masturbation jokes when I write about it. And then I looked closer and was like, Holy hard-on! They did it on purpose! Because Paco's Taco Stroker isn't a kitchen tool at all.
Unless, of course, you like to beat your own personal meat in the kitchen too.
Screaming O combines many men's two great loves--soft tacos and jacking off--in this superb open-faced stroker they claim will satisfy every single time. Which is more than I can say for the tacos al pastor at Nacho Mamas. Every third time I eat those for lunch I spend the rest of the day in the 3rd floor men's bathroom feeling, to say the least, highly unsatisfied. (I imagine everyone else who walks in while I'm there instantly shares my sentiments.)
The cock taco is made of ultra-soft TPA material that is latex- and phthalate-free. Usage instructions are pretty simple: open box; lube it up; and Paco your pork sword.
Just one question, Screaming O: why doesn't Paco's Taco Stroker come in pink?
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
Luxury Mile High Club Experience
Don't just simulate them in a Jet Bed, realize your aero-fantasies with the Luxury Mile High Club Experience. Wish.co.uk, peddlers of myriad activities intended to prevent life and its inhabitants from becoming boring...
/10-images-i-cant-believe-are-43138.jpg?mode=crop "10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)")
10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)
And I mean very NSFW. I mean, it's not like I came across* these 10 images I can't believe are allowed on Amazon because I was searching for porn, boobies, or sex toys on Amazon. I was just minding my own business, perusing...
Boregasm Pills
Good thing yawns and O faces look about the same because, thanks to research being conducted by a handful of (presumably exhausted and horny) PhD students at Indiana University's The Kinsey Institute, they're about to...
/japanese-electric-piston-12123.jpg "Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)")
Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)
Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...
LaunchPAD - Fleshlight iPad Case (NSFW)
Though it's not electric or piston-powered...or Japanese...like this friendly sex toy, the LaunchPAD does employ advanced technology in a valiant effort to enhance Man's alone time. The makers of male masturbatory aid...
The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)
Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...
/sexy-gifts-for-that-special-41604.jpg?mode=crop "Sexy Gifts for that Special Someone (NSFW)")
Sexy Gifts for that Special Someone (NSFW)
Some gifts are best left to Santa. But sexy gifts, especially sexy gifts for that someone special, those gifts are Baby Jesus territory all the way...
Sex Positions You Never Thought Possible (NSFW)
Remember that one time you let some chick drag you to hot yoga because she too was hot and you wanted to see her do bendy things in spandex pants, but then you ended up spending the whole class lying on your back trying...
/vibrating-bicycle-seat-8731.jpg?mode=crop "Vibrating Bicycle Seat")
Vibrating Bicycle Seat
A heads up to politicians and city planners: stop wasting your money on bike lanes, tax incentives, and PSA campaigns. All you need do to persuade your constituents to trade in cars for bicycles on their morning commute...
SexFit Sexual Fitness Tracker (NSFW)
Bondara, a British sex toy online store and blog, plans to begin testing of its SexFit prototype in the 4th quarter of 2014. So by 2016...or maybe even February 2015 since I'm sure they'll have thousands and thousands...
/wobbling-willy-your-face-on-28316.jpg "Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)")
Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)
Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...
/penis-weight-set-43612.jpg?mode=crop "Penis Weight Set")
Penis Weight Set
All the talk of building a prison body during quarantine made me seek out this penis weight set. Because while you can certainly do pushups, pullups, chinups, dips, and squats like a convicted felon, it's gonna be real...