You Suck At Parking Business Cards
/You-Suck-At-Parking-Business-Cards-980.jpg "You Suck At Parking Business Cards")
Personally, I think people should be thrown in jail for bad parking. Bad parkers fall into 2 groups... The first, just aren't mentally capable of parking well. And the second just don't give a shit. If jail isn't an option, maybe letting them know about it will help ease your pain some.
/how-not-to-be-helpful-58284.jpg?mode=crop "How Not to Be Helpful")
How Not to Be Helpful
I don't think many people really need JJ Harlan's How Not to Be Helpful: An Illustrated Guide for Thoughtless Adults. With the exception of my mama and, like, Keanu Reeves, most of us have already got it down pat. But...
/100-games-to-play-with-a-stick-58188.jpg?mode=crop "100 Games to Play with a Stick")
100 Games to Play with a Stick
No, 100 Games to Play with a Stick is not about your penis. But, like your penis, it does make a great gag gift...
Anonymously Send Sh*t
If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...
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Cardok Underground Parking
Boy do I hate having to park both the Porsche and the Lambo on the front circle drive. It really detracts from the visual splendor of my gilded front door and Batman topiary. What, a retractable underground parking space...
/horizontal-parenting-56809.jpg?mode=crop "Horizontal Parenting")
Horizontal Parenting
Horizontal is certainly my favorite way to do most things, so why wouldn't it appeal to parents too? Horizontal Parenting: How to Entertain Your Kid While Lying Down is a manual for moms and dads who just need a frikkin'...
/my-last-fck-candle-44928.jpg?mode=crop "My Last F*ck Candle")
My Last F*ck Candle
My Last F*ck Candle. Presumably this is the one you'll burn when all of the disasters, the shockers, and the newest pieces of trash to hit social media become too much to process, too much to reconcile. When the only...
/gazebox-accordion-garage-18577.jpg?mode=crop "GazeBox Retractable Garage")
GazeBox Retractable Garage
One guess as to which country the GazeBox hails from. A glorious transparent arc that accordions around your 6-figure sports car? Protects it in style, with pomp, and without hiding it from jealous eyes? Gotta be Italian...
Rear Window LED Messenger
The Drivemocion Rear Window LED Messenger is probably legal in only, like, 10 states (I'd guess the spectrally left and right ones, such as Massachusetts and Texas), but for those of you living amidst bureaucratic leniency...
/nostalgia-with-a-twist-of-52740.jpg?mode=crop "Nostalgia with a Twist of Darkness T-Shirts")
Nostalgia with a Twist of Darkness T-Shirts
This line of Nostalgia with a Twist of Darkness T-Shirts comes from the dark and nostalgic mind of artist Steven Rhodes. I've included some of my favorites in the images above, but there are dozens more to choose from...
I Park Like an Idiot Stickers
I Park Like an Idiot stickers have two outstanding selling points. 1) Applying one to the bumper or window of a deserving vehicle will give its user an instant boost, likely eliminating the crankiness and ill-will evoked...
/the-best-backhanded-gifts-36118.jpg?mode=crop "The Best Backhanded Gifts")
The Best Backhanded Gifts
Another way to think of the best backhanded gifts is the best gifts for people you don't like, only sort of like, have a love / hate relationship with, or have a beef with, but who for whatever reason you still have to...