Apocalypse Tactical Tomahawk
- Ka-Bar ZK-Pestilence Chopper Knife - $52.39
- Laserlyte Zombie Pistol Bayonet - $15.76
- Apocalypse Deterrence Kit - $50.42
- Like a Devil Pastie Lingerie - $22.00
- Sequin Pasties with Tassles - $8.99
This is what I have to say about the Apocalypse Tactical Tomahawk: sometimes, God does man a favor. Such as when He allows him to conceive and actualize pasties. Two nights in a row now, I've attended functions that randomly busted out some girls gyrating to cherished standards, including "Whatever Lola Wants" and "Minnie the Moocher", and stripping down to pasties and thongs. Apparently, if you call it "burlesque" no special strip club licensing is required, and the alcohol flows freely. Sure, it's a nipple-free performance, but who wants to see a nipple anyway? Nipples are the parts of boobs that can instantly and heartbreakingly flip the latter's switch from ethereal wonders of nature to aesthetically totally F'd up. I will go so far as to say that some look like inhuman abominations. Like localized infections of the zombie virus, which must be shrewdly combatted so as to quickly and deftly extract them from the immediate vicinity of my face. In these cases, a Nuclear Green double-sided hatchet comes in handy.
Calm down, just to scare the nipples, not to hurt them.
The M48 Apocalypse Tactical Tomahawk, styled after Vietnam-era style combat axe blades, is not for show. Its 8", oxide coated 2Cr13 stainless steel head contains one part sharp, upswept axe blade and one part penetrating spike, both of which can effectively whack, stab, or slice through the air to impale offending zombies or firewood. Handles are sturdy, 30% fiberglass-reinforced nylon wrapped in paracord for a firm, cushioned grip. Overall tomahawk length measures in at 15", with a weight of 2 lbs 3 oz. Shipment also includes a nylon sheath with belt loop. Be sure to check the tomahawk listing prior to purchase to make sure you don't live in a state that put the kibosh on throwing axe ownership.
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