The Eviltron

Posted: November 03, 2013
The Eviltron

Combining the ethos that nothing is scarier than one's own imagination with the ethos that creeping someone out to the cusp of a complete mental breakdown is great fun, we have...The Eviltron. That strange scratching sound coming from your (allegedly electronic) mouse? The single, gasping last breath released at random intervals? The barely audible, yet markedly sinister child's laugh*? You hear it. You know you hear it. It's disturbing. It's F'ing messed up. And it's right...where?! Where is it coming from?!

Under a desk, alongside a car seat, in a ceiling tile--the quarter-sized Eviltron can fit nearly anywhere. And with its embedded rare earth magnet, finding an appropriate and undetectable hiding spot is as easy as stick, click, and sit back. Let the paranoia begin.

Eviltrons arrive pre-programmed with 5 stomach-turning sounds. Users can settle on one, or select the device's random mode for cycling through them all. Sources of aural discomfort include:

  • Something unsettling creaking
  • Unidentifiable scratching sounds
  • Gasping last breath
  • Sinister child laughing*
  • Eerie whispering of, "Hey, can you hear me?'"

*Cornelius, if you ever plant a maniacally laughing child Eviltron in my proximity, I swear to every last carne asada taco left on earth your ass is grass. I F'ing hate creepy children with Satanic giggles. They don't even have to be that creepy. Really, I'd say I can hardly even listen to children laughing merrily without crapping my pants.

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