Primal Bells

Posted: September 07, 2013
Primal Bells
$42.95 - $149.95
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On the list of things that would really suck: 1) Finding your head on the receiving end of a 72-pound kettlebell with an incensed gorilla face carved into it; 2) Finding your head on the receiving end of a 500-pound incensed gorilla face. I guess I'd take the kettlebell if given the choice. At least the behavior of iron is more predictable than that of the king of apes. One blunt impact and lights out, but with the hope of escaping without permanent brain damage, and without my nose and lips ripped off.

Onnit's Primal Bell beasts, hand-sculpted in howler monkey, chimpanzee, orangutan, and gorilla models, weigh 18, 36, 54, and 72 pounds respectively. In official Russian kettlebell measurements, that translates to 0.5 pood, 1 pood, 1.5 pood, and 2 pood. Though bells are fully functional, properly balanced, and feature enlarged handles for grip strength, fitness/great ape enthusiasts should be careful where they fling their pood, as hitting another person with a kettlebell has just as many repercussions as suffering pood impact yourself.

If you truly feel you are in the company of someone who deserved to get pood on, click here and at least make it happen anonymously.

Thanks to Bruce for the Dude Product Tip.

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