What to Put in an Adults Only Easter Basket
Show your favorite adults the Easter Bunny didn't just hoppity-hop (or buzzity-buzz, or strokety-stroke, as the case may be) right past them preoccupied with candies and toys and plastic grass for the kiddos this year. The parents of those kiddos, and the 18-and-over crowd in general, deserve baskets filled to the brim on Easter Sunday too. Overflowing with Reese's and Kinder eggs, yep. With Cadbury Minis and neon Peeps, for sure. With new spring PJs and socks sporting bunny ears...well, OK, fine. They'll take them.
But so too do deserving adults deserve Easter baskets filled with a few demographic-specific surprises. Surprises not suitable for children. Surprises, say, of the sex, drugs, and Black Reaper persuasions. Here are some ideas of what to put in an adults only Easter basket.
Adult Achievement Stickers
Children receive stickers for achievements such as pooping in the pot, getting straight A's, and coming in last (but participating!) Why shouldn't adults get some comparable adhesive words of affirmation when they done good in their grownup lives too? I mean, they're the ones paying for all the stickers anyway.
Lord Jones CBD Gumdrops & Chews
Lord Jones handmakes their CBD gumdrops in small batches from 5 ingredients: natural fruit flavors; gelatin; citric acid; sugar; and the C - B - Zip-a-dee-doo-D. That last component is mixed in to the tune of 20mg per drop, a dose those who currently use CBD for pain and anxiety relief, or mood stabilization, will recognize as pretty hefty.
Flowering Penis Coffee Mug
For all the ladies (and fellas!) who count springtime, floral patterns, and penises amongst their favorite things, have I got a mug of a gift for you. Clothing and accessory brand HUMAN goes for a very anatomical part of being one here with their flowering penis coffee mug. Look closely, it's a cock-tical illusion!
Cocoa Loco Choco Challenge
Nothing says the Easter Bunny loves you more than a mini chocolate bar laced with a pepper hotter than the Carolina Reaper. The Cocoa Loco Choco Challenge from Fuego Box dares ye brave chili worshippers, or ye dudes with palates already dead from a DIY Hot Sauce Challenge, to have a go at the Black Reaper pepper they've laced into the world's spiciest chocolate bar.
And also record and share your experience on social media, or submit it directly to Fuego Box, for a chance to win a year's supply of hot sauce. Your willingness to fall prey to Cocoa Loco's hallucinogenic state of heat will also help support prostate cancer research, as Fuego Box will donate $5 from every Choco Challenge bar sold to the cause.
Fuego Box will draw 5 random Choco Challenge winners in May 2019. Valid entries must show video or photo evidence of participants eating the entire Cocoa Loco Black Reaper chocolate bar.
Knickerockers are underwear with adorable animal faces strategically sewn across one of my favorite places on earth. Here we see the bunny undies, all Easter-ready with attached ears and an expression that indicates the little guy is very happy to have been selected for this job instead of the one his cousin got stuck with posing for photos with crying, peeing, and snot-seeping children at the mall.
Tenga Easy Beat Eggs - Men's Portable Pleasure Devices
These Easter eggs aren't about the eye-catching colors, they're about the peen-pleasing textures Tenga says will send dudes into a state of...eggstacy.
The Easy Beat Egg outer shell snaps off like an Easter egg to reveal, yep, a sweet surprise. Inside is another egg, this one made of a "super-stretchable elastomer" that fits over your favorite one-eyed snake to help your hand get the job done a little more pleasurably. Inside the elastomer are 2 things: 1) a wee packet of lube; and 2) your choice of a dozen different Tenga textures. With names like Wavy, Clicker, Silky, and Spider. Each textured interior makes for a slightly different chicken-choking experience.
One Night Stand Choco-Tequila Potion
Step aside, Cadbury Mini Eggs. ... Uh, but not too far, 'cause I want you in my Adult Easter Basket too. Maybe framing the 4-ounce bottle of One Night Stand?
Dude, Sweet Chocolate says their choco-tequila elixir is a loose take on a Mexican coffee. But it also pairs well with 3 parts vodka and 1 part chocolate syrup for a chocolate martini, or a giant bowl of Cocoa Puffs and Salma Hayek for the best One Night Stand ever.
KillKat Evil Wafers
Kit Kat monster twins? With googly eyes, sharky teeth, and legs?! Sounds like nom, nom, nom, only the other way around. They're called KillKats, and not just because they're Evil Wafers (in Demonic Possession!) Also because it's Killin' me, Kat, that Andrew Bell's excellent candy bar parody isn't edible. KillKats are vinyl figurines, "sweet and psycho conjoined candy stands" based on the artist's original sculpture.
Well, at least they'll look good in your Easter basket, and then later on your desktop.
Playboy: The Complete Centerfolds, 1953-2016
The very best bunnies of their respective litters, in fact.
Photographed all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
Only thing is, they all cast aside their fine Easter dresses in favor of their birthday suits.
The Chickie Emojibator
Emojibator has gone from the emOG eggplant to the semi-disturbing shark to, brand new for Easter 2019, this adorable Chickie. Special gift from the Bunny: the Chickie has suction!
Hoppa the Rabbit PyroPet
Hoppa the Rabbit is part of the PyroPet line of animal candles that slowly melt down to aluminum skeletons as the flames eat away their flesh. Weeee! Hoppa Easter!