Here's the Rub: The Best Male Masturbatory Aids (NSFW)

No matter how you feel about sex dolls, there's no denying this sex doll is hot. A feverish hot, at up to 104 degrees F! She's smart too. Smart enough to tell you how good you heat her up, to moan in response to your touch of her nostrils, and to talk dirty when you lick her big toe.

Or, like, whichever other lady parts on her you program to audibly turn her on as they physically get the horndog juices flowing in you.

In other words, this hot and heatable sex doll also has WiFi, Bluetooth, and phone app connectivity that give you, her lover, the ability to set custom audio to accompany specified actions and stimulations on various parts of her body. That means moans, groans, screams, and cries of Oh yes, Big Daddy! during the deed, and then a warm body to hold you when you're done.

From the Tesla of masturbatory aids that is the smart sex doll, we go to the Toyota Yaris of them with Paco's Taco Stroker.

Not to slight Paco. In fact, maker Screaming O manages to combine many dudes' two great loves - soft tacos and jacking off - in this superb open-faced stroker they claim will satisfy every single time.

The JerkShirt is a forthcoming (say, 3 to 5 minutes?) classy blue button-up with a prosthetic arm you can move and position anywhere so you can maintain equal classiness as you jerk off in public. The 3:00 crash at work. The stressful brunch at the country club to meet your girlfriend's parents. The excruciating 12-hour flight to Europe. Combat fatigue, nerves, and boredom with your most favorite alone-time pastime on earth without getting fired, exiled, or arrested!

In addition to the decoy arm, the JerkShirt is also sized to accommodate your real hand and hide your crotchal region as you choke the chicken so you'll be as comfortable as you are covert in your self gratification. The shirt's interior also has a built-in splash guard to keep the deed mess-free and avert tricky questions about when you spilled Aunt Jan's pineapple Jell-O salad all over your lap.

Mystery Vibes' Tenuto is the sexy toy company's first wearable vibrator for men, and the next in what appears to be a growing market. Though nowhere near as prevalent as vibrators for ladies, male vibrators just keep coming along. They've made a slow but steady build over the past few years, and 2020 could be the one that sees them grow even faster and stronger. The year that allows them to explode! into a happy ending for all the dudes out there who feel curious and neglected - curiously neglected - when their ladies have all the buzzing fun.

According to Mystery Vibes, the Tenuto vibrator for men isn't just about reaching an explosive orgasm, it's about staying "stronger for longer" with an "adaptable hold [that] maintains arousal for longer erections & pleasure." The Tenuto, uh, codpiece, if you will, is designed to stretch and adapt around whatever cock 'n' balls (and perineum!) you choose to push inside it. From there, a snug-as-a-snake-in-a-rug fit creates the increased blood flow, and extended erection and pleasure.

The biggest advantage of the Quickshot Vantage is that in addition to using it to enhance your wad-shooting endeavors solo, its open-ended construction allows you to use it to make your next blowjob a threesome too.

The Quickshot is also Fleshlight's most compact sleeve to date, and with its circular, wave-like texture and transparent construction, it "lends itself to a visibly commanding experience" for everyone involved.

Virtual Mate is preparing to release some very slick - like, Astroglide slick - new technology. Self-described as "the world's first virtual intimacy system," Virtual Mate is a hyper-realistic VR sex game for your PC, laptop, mobile device, or VR Headset primed to beguile and get off everyone from gamers to, well, dudes with a pulse.

The Tenga Flip Hole is a male masturbator. Wait, no, a revolutionary male masturbator.

Tenga designed the Flip Hole to put the "master" back in masturbator. They note that, "While most of the male masturbation market has churned out artificial vaginas, [we] opted for improvements." A hard cylindrical case surrounds the device's flexible front face, which contains a trio of buttons. These activate an internal vacuum pump that outputs varying levels of squeeze, and gives users complete control over their experience. And it doesn't stop there. Inside the Flip Hole lie patterns of soft silicone elastomer shapes intended to engage and excite "every centimeter" of the tube steak touching them.