Dude's Must See Products for September 2021
Dude's must see products for September 2021 have love on the brain. Love of Fall, that is. And in this case, Fall is about 75% Halloween, and 25% cozying up, cleaning up, and / or decking out your home, garage, and any indoor spaces you'll be spending a lot more time in.
Oh, there's also a Corn Dog Butt Plug.
Take it away, Dude's must see products for September 2021!
Full Face Mirror Sunglasses
Full Face Mirror Sunglasses are convex configurations of UV-resistant PC panels and UV400 lenses made to protect not just your eyes, but also your nose and mouth, from the blinding and burning rays of the sun. And maybe part of your forehead and chin too, depending on how big your DNA decided to dole those body parts out.
Full Face Mirror Sunglasses could also be called Headless Motorcycle Helmets, and given to your favorite rider as a gag gift. Or, according to my mama, any number of the genius bikers she sees "crotch rocketing around my neighborhood without a helmet" as a way to keep the sun and bugs out of their faces as they ride to certain death.
Denizen Archetype Smartpod Prefab Office
Denizen, I will take one Archetype smartpod, and one chunk of wilderness to put it on, please. Denizen's forthcoming prefab office is a fully-loaded, fully-furnished, 3D-printed remote work space ready for setup in pretty much any remote space you want to work from. And the Archetype isn't just talking remote from the office, but remote from society, if you like.
I mean, as long as you can get WiFi there.
Maybe start with the backyard.
Dan Schaub Designs Masks
Whether you're going for Boo! or Bow down! Dan Schaub's intricate, breathtaking deity masks will make terrified trick-or-treaters or mesmerized loyal subjects out of all who see you wearing one.
Schaub's mask designs take inspiration from traditional wood shaman masks and contemporary geometric art. He stacks and glues layer upon layer of laser cut birch plywood to build them, and then adds dichroic acrylic lenses for the eyes. The lenses reflect light, upping the eerie deity effect, but are easy for the wearer to see through. Some of Schaub's mask creations are also lined with sound-reactive LEDs, meaning they'll light up and jump around in sync with your voice if you're going for the looming, fearsome god look, or dance to the music if you're a god who's just here to party.
Giant Stuffed Tarantula
As Brian Fellow would say, this giant stuffed tarantula is "one fuzzy bug. That's crazy!" And though he'd still be wrong about the bug part, Lifelike Spider Art's supersized arachnids are indeed fuzzy. Very, very fuzzy. And cuddly too.
The tarantula plushes come in black or white, the former 60" in diameter, and the latter 75". They have flexible wire-frame legs for posing and wrapping around yourself in a permanent spider hug.
Bullbar Freestanding, Folding Pull-Up Bar
I suck at pull-ups. But at least with the Bullbar, I can save the strength I'd normally expend to assemble, set up, and fight with my wife about how I didn't really ruin the doorway installing a pull-up bar, and direct it towards attempting to execute the pull-ups themselves.
The Bullbar is a no-assembly, freestanding, folding pull-up bar and exercise station. You can set it up nearly anywhere - without bringing harm to your ceilings and walls, if anywhere is indoors - and then break it back down to a 15" x 51" for relatively easy transport and storage when your torture session is done.
Invisible Glass Reach & Clean Windshield Tool
Now if my Aunt Jan saw a spot on her windshield, she'd lick her finger and aggressively wipe at it until it came off. Even if it were in one of those impossible-to-reach spots where the windshield slopes into the dashboard, she'd Go-Go Gadget her arms to get at it. No one, neither young nephews who just ate chocolate, nor vehicular glass smudged with dead bugs, escapes the Lee Press-On nails and saliva of my Aunt Jan!
For the rest of us, an Invisible Glass Reach & Clean Windshield Tool might come in handy. A spade-shaped head attached to an 18" wand, the Reach & Clean helps make tight spots, small crevices, and elusive parts of your auto (or home) glass easier to access and buff to a streak-free shine.
Freddy Krueger Fire Pit
One, two, Freddy's coming for you...if you can afford him. And afford the whopping 66- to 70-week wait time Freddy Krueger Fire Pit maker Burned By Design needs to hand build this horrifying...yet glorious...yet really, truly horrifying wood burner.
Nightmare on Elm Street fanatics who don't mind that their Freddy Krueger Fire Pit won't arrive until Halloween 2022 will receive the blazing backyard terror complete with Freddy's bladed glove resting under his chin, and sticking out to ensure he'll draw blood even if you do manage to stay awake.
Restless Rocking Chair
Turn yourself into a life-size, real-life Weeble with the Restless Rocking Chair, a whimsical piece of kinetic furniture from Czech designer Karel Matejka. Though termed a "rocking chair" for simplicity, the Restless armchair rocks like a roly-poly, in all directions, plus spins 'round and 'round on its axis, rather than sticking to a simple forward-back sway like a typical rocker.
Corn Dog Butt Plug
And you thought corn dogs plugged you up before. This Corn Dog Butt Plug from Glow F Yourself does double plugging duty too - the metal or silicone end plugs into one willing participant's poophole, and the breaded meat product end into a second willing participant's piehole. Not just to suck on or take in Cheeseburger Ball Gag-style either. The corn dog on the Corn Dog Butt Plug is a real live corn dog ready to get (butt)munched on.
E114: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) It's likely to lead to bad breath; 2) It's not sexual, but it's certainly apeeling; 3) Vampires, beware!
Heinz Ketchup Packet Roller
On the one hand, the Heinz Packet Roller is encouraging us not to make a mess and waste ketchup. How very tidy and eco-conscious of them. But on the other, when you have to invent a gadget - however tongue-in-cheek and gag gift-y it may be - to assist people in opening and emptying your condiment containers without spurting their contents everywhere, and leaving half the ketchup behind because it won't squeeze out, or gets stuck in the corners of the haphazard vertical tear you finally managed immediately prior to the spurting event, then maybe it's time to invent a new ketchup packet instead.
Perhaps one that doesn't result in millions and millions of ketchup-coated pieces of plastic getting dumped in a landfill.
Followed shortly, I bet, by a few thousand gimmicky Heinz Packet Rollers.
I don't know what I like better about this hanging bookshelf: its simple, innovative design, and the ease with which you can use it to decorate a wall; or that it was created by a husband and wife team named Agusta and Gustav, who call their company AGUSTAV Furniture. Add to the second bit that they operate out of Reykjavik, Iceland.
Are you kidding me? On second thought, I don't think I can even consider what I like best about the hanging bookshelf. Through and through it is too cool for me.
Dalstrong Shadow Black Series Kitchen Knives
As if kitchen knives weren't intimidating enough on their own, Dalstrong created their Shadow Black Series of kitchen knives. So now I can pair what they call a "menacing design" with the high probability that I will slice through my finger along with my damn roly-poly radishes, or cleave it off entirely when my wife asks me to break down a chicken.
Lawn Mower Blade Sharpener Drill Attachment Kit
Wait, I have to sharpen lawn mower blades? Like, how often? And how big of a time and pain-in-my-ass commitment is it? Yeah, yeah, Grizzly Lawn Gear says with their Lawn Mower Blade Sharpener Drill Attachment Kit you'll be in and honed out in under 10 minutes, but I imagine there's a disassembly and reassembly element to this process too. In other words, it's gonna me at my mama's house all damn day.
I think I will approach lawn mower blade sharpening the same way I approach kitchen knife sharpening: when the blades get too dull to cut the grass properly anymore, I'll just buy a new lawn mower.
PIVOT Bed - Convertible Bed & Home Gym
The PIVOT Bed is for people who have decided to work out at home, but don't have the space, or want to sacrifice it, for a full home gym setup. The PIVOT Bed folds up Murphy-style when you want to exercise, revealing a bed frame underside outfitted with a full-width pull-up bar, dip bars, space for storing weights and equipment, and attachment points for PIVOT accessories like their power rack and folding, adjustable weight bench.
Friday the 13th Jason Garden Gnome
Amelie meets Friday the 13th! What a precious and heartwarming way to die!
TactiPrints' Jason Garden Gnome is about 8" tall, and 3D printed at a very reasonable price, so when you plant one in the neighbors' yard, and they see it, unleash a series of bloodcurdling screams, and then immediately smash it with a JHO Knives F**H Club, no big deal. Just buy another one.
Hexa-LED Honeycomb Light Fixture
You can't swing from the Hexa-LED chandelier, but you can gaze up at this stunning honeycomb light fixture in wonder of its design. And then in blindness from its 6000K LEDs and 730W of power.
As functional as it is fantastic, the Hexa-LED light fixture actually wants to help you look at everything in the room but it. According to creator Eko Design Co., "This modern light will make sure you'll never have an issue seeing anything in whatever space you place it in." It's a great option for simultaneously lighting up and sprucing up the garage, a workshop, your mancave, and select types of offices.
Brizzle Stand-Up Scoop, Baste & Drizzle Brush
Do I want a silicone bristled basting brush that can also scoop up juicy drippin's, drizzle them onto my dish, and then rest on my cutting board without spreading their remnants all over it? Fo shizzle my Brizzle.
The Brizzle stand-up scoop, baste, and drizzle brush is Dreamfarm's latest creative kitchen tool that makes common cooking tasks just a little easier and more intuitive. In addition to its 100 non-stick, heat-safe to 500F silicone bristles, the Brizzle has a 1-tablespoon scoop on its head, the latter of which bends 90 degrees to give the former access to your basting liquid without tilting your pan or roaster.