Dude's Must See Products for January 2021
New year, new must see products, right? Yes and no.
Dude's must see products for January 2021 were indeed new to the pages of Dude, and many were new, even cutting-edge, themselves. But from footwear to flowers for Valentine's Day, mixed reality to Star Wars, and farts to blowjobs, even with a brand new year, it's pretty much same ol', same ol' around here.
Take it away, Dude's must see products for January 2021.
Hey Dude Wally Stretch Loafer
Hey. Dude. Never before has there existed a more Dudeworthy shoe than the Hey Dude Wally Stretch Loafer. Piece by piece, I am going to break down this footwear, and tell you why.
First, there's, "Hey." The shoe's greeting to me. It's perhaps not the most polite way to obtain my attention, but that's cool, I'm no princess.
Then we have "Dude." Mine own name in the brand's title. No further explanation required.
"Wally" is next, and while that may not seem so obvious to many of you, the name "Wally" holds a special place in my heart. It is the name I would bestow upon the son I neither have nor ever want.
"Stretch." These shoes stretch! Like all my favorite clothing, particularly the waistbands of my pants since the holidays. And it's key here, because while clothing manufacturers seem to truly appreciate the importance of an expandable wardrobe, shoe manufacturers often neglect it. But you sit down and eat a dozen Crunchy Tacos Supreme from the Bell, and then try to stand back up a half hour later, and see if your feet haven't salt-swollen up over the edges of your shoes. Hell yeah, I want a pair with stretch!
And finally, there's "Loafer." Both the type of shoe the Hey Dude Wally Stretch Loafer is, and the type of man I, who will soon be wearing a pair of Hey Dude Wally Stretch Loafers, am too.
Small Business Shoutout: Alchemy 365 Fitness Platform
Alchemy 365 is the first small business to be featured in Small Business Shoutout, a new series I'm trying out that spotlights products and services offered by local, little, and/or independent operations. Plenty of past Dude posts have featured small businesses - e.g., pretty much every Etsy shop out there - but Small Business Shoutout largely aims to cover those with their own website / online marketplace, along with product or service availability to a large audience.
Alchemy 365 and the company's streaming service, Alchemy Anywhere, consist primarily of HIIT-style fitness classes that combine intervals of strength building moves with bursts of cardio, and bookend them with a yoga flow warmup and cool down. Alchemy Anywhere also offers sessions that are more cardio- or more strength-based, as well as full yoga classes.
E79: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) It's a trap!; 2) It keeps things clean, but it also gets a little seedy; 3) Grab your pom-poms and cheer it on while it works.
Hariana Tech Smart Ultimate Bed
I might also call the Hariana Tech Smart Ultimate Bed a bed-shaped living room. A living bed. A New York studio apartment. Like the HiCan, Hariana Tech Smart Ultimate Bed is the kind of connected piece of futuristic furniture that will make you never want to leave your bed.
I mean even more than you didn't want to already.
And with the all-in-one bed's built-in massage chair, bookshelf, lamp, Bluetooth speakers, desk, significant under-bed storage, and air cleaning system (because boooo to lingering takeout smells, COVID droplets, and stale farts) WFH could start to mean Work From Hariana real quick.
EM3-STELLAR 4K Mixed Reality Glasses
EM3 doesn't just think their crowdfunding 4K mixed reality glasses are good. Or great. Or even stellar. Low profile, lightweight, and fully immersive for multimedia use, EM3 is going so far as to call these MR glasses STELLAR.
EM3-STELLAR glasses aim to reduce the bulk, discomfort, and user awkwardness of traditional AR / MR headsets, while still creating dazzling enhanced environments and theater viewing experiences for their wearers. And unlike full virtual reality, EM3-Stellar glasses' augmented reality tech keeps you semi-connected to your physical surroundings, so you're still aware of incoming calls, texts, and wives asking why TF you haven't emptied the dishwasher yet.
ChopFit Chopper Functional Trainer
Will you get a load of the legs on ChopFit's Chopper demo dude? Holy functional training axe, Batman, forget ripped, chiseled, and cut! If using the Chopper means I have any hope of building a fortress of muscle like that dude, I'm ready to get Chopped. 2021's gonna be the year of Paul Bunyan quads and hammies, baby!
Lumen Couture LED Face Changing Mask
Lumen Couture's LED Face Changing Mask isn't intended to be a funkified piece of pandemic PPE, though if you're ready to go all in on facial coverings, I guess it would serve you as well as your double-ply cloth options. And certainly draw the attention of anyone at the grocery store or COVID testing site.
But really, the LED Face Changing Mask is a full-face, tech-injected plastic covering that incorporates LED panels and lighting effects that allow the wearer to transform his / her face into a multitude of different patterns, animations, and, uh, mythical-looking Asian women.
Keyhole Companion - No-Measure Keyhole Slot Marker
Items backed with keyhole slots can be a huge P in the A to hang due to the precision required in measuring and marking their tiny holes' location on the item. Even if you're a pro, all workin' on home remodels and art gallery installations as your job, the Keyhole Companion can save you a lot of time, as it marks accurate keyhole slot locations on your wall for fastener installation, without the need for rulers, measuring tapes, and pencils or other separate marking tools.
The FartVac - Suck Up Smelly Farts Before They Escape
As excited as I know you all are to stick the FartVac up your butt in the name of sucking up smelly farts before they escape into the room, and noses of your family / date / coworkers / fellow citizens waiting at the DMV, I'm afraid the FartVac does not go up your butt. In fact, FartVac explicitly states in its fart vortex usage instructions, "DO NOT insert the tubing into your anus or any other part of your body." Wamp, wamp.
Consolation prize: you can insert the FartVac very close to your bunghole, maybe even brushing it enough to make your sphincter contract!
13 of the Best T-Rex Products
It all started with T-Rex Hates Pushups. Or was it T-Rex Hates High-Fives? Or maybe it goes all the way back to Jurassic Park. However it began, T-Rex has stormed onto the pop culture and related product scene like, well, a ravenous carnivorous dinosaur on a rampage.
And he's left a slew of T-Rex-themed products in his wake. Here are 13 of the best.
Headache & Migraine Relief Cap
Headache? Migraine? Just want to bury your head in the freezer or a bucket of ice? How about a striking purple hat filled with cooling, soothing, pain-easing Magic Gel instead?
Magic Gel's headache and migraine relief cap lives in your refrigerator or freezer, chilling out when life is good, and ready for the day your head starts to pulse, throb, and feel like it's splitting apart. At which time the hat slips over your head and face, conforming to your contours, and imparting its cool relief to your burning pain.
LEGO Flower Bouquet
Dudes, a LEGO Flower Bouquet. It's flowers - check. It's handmade - check. It's customizable to be OOAK from you to her - check. And it's byoooooteeeeful - check. All the makings for the perfect Valentine's day gift, be it a gift for your girlfriend or a gift for your mom, packed into a lap-sized box of 756 LEGO bricks.
Oh yeah, and the LEGO Flower Bouquet is a LEGO set. Number 10280, to be official. So there's something in this whole lovers / awkward kinda-sorta dating / oh-I-was-really-hoping-for-a-ring-or-at-least-some-piece-of-jewelry day of gift-giving for you too.
Darth Vader Meditation Chamber Desk Set
Darth Vader: Meditator. The Force meets the OM in this Darth Vader Meditation Chamber Desk Set, a Regal Robot design brainstormed and built custom for a client's studio, and based on the Dark Lord's meditation chamber in Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back.
E81: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) They live for lockdowns; 2) You could say they flip flips the bird; 3) Buckle up, baby!
17 of the Best Gifts for Dog Lovers
My compilation of 17 of the best gifts for dog lovers includes both doggone good dog goods, and doggone good goods spotlighting dogs that will make dog lovers go, Hot diggity dog! Enjoy.
Ora Shower Panel
Do you prefer a bath Ora Shower? Give me one of Vladimir Polikarpov's design award-winning leaf-like shower panels, and I'm an Ora Shower dude forevermore.
The Ora Shower Panel won Polikarpov a Platinum A'Design Award in 2017-2018, and while it's sadly still just a design concept, the visuals alone take me to a happy place. Outdoors. Somewhere secluded and tropical. Somewhere I'm naked. Bathing under the cascade of water flowing from a giant - and sturdy, temperature-adjustable, and smart-home-connected - leaf.
A more recent and recently featured A'Design Award winner had a similar effect on me - check out the Dhyan Multi-Mode Zen Lounger for another visual escape.
Provided, that is, he can also redeem it on any day, for any reason. No fair giving Blowjob Tokens as a gag gift (unless you mean it literally!) or with a 3-page list of stipulations as to when and how he can cash it in. That's worse than giving no Blowjob Token at all.
Carbon Fiber Stormtrooper Helmet
A Carbon Fiber Stormtrooper Helmet? Yes, please. Every carbon fiber of my being wants one. Made by Keith Robinson of Carbon Art Co., each Carbon Fiber Stormtrooper - Death Trooper might be more fitting - Helmet is a one-of-a-kind piece, made to order per your custom color requests, and numbered and signed for authenticity. And also perhaps out of the pride Robinson takes in creating the helmets, whose layers are shaped from solid carbon, no fiberglass filler fibers in between the plies.
Buyers can choose helmet lens and tube strip colors when ordering. For an additional fee, Carbon Art Co. will also add a liner so the Carbon Fiber Stormtrooper Helmet wears a little more comfortably at Comic-Cons, cosplay conventions, and masked-up trips to the grocery store.