Dude's Must See Products for January 2020

Posted: February 03, 2020

Dude's must see products for a cold and lifeless January 2020 had you dreaming of summer road trips in luxury camping trailers and taking out your aggressions by whipping stingers and unleashing the kraken. Thankfully the month ended on a happy note, with everyone soothed into a state of cuteness calm by The Mandalorian's life-size Child. Enjoy the recap of Dude's must see products for January 2020.

Talking, Heatable Smart Sex Doll (NSFW)

No matter how you feel about sex dolls, there's no denying this sex doll is hot. A feverish hot, at up to 104 degrees F! She's smart too. Smart enough to tell you how good you heat her up, to moan in response to your touch of her nostrils, and to talk dirty when you lick her big toe.

Or, like, whichever other lady parts on her you program to audibly turn her on as they physically get the horndog juices flowing in you.

$1,099 ➠ Amazon

Blinker Fluid

Better grab a case of this Blinker Fluid while you can - it's on sale for 65% off, but as they say, blink(er) and you'll miss it.

Then again, even with eyes wide open the Blinker Fluid might fly right over your head because...it's a joke, my friends! No such thing as Blinker Fluid since there's not such thing as a blinker that needs fluid. Just a new bulb on occasion. And weekly affirmations that it still looks dazzling.

$6.95 ➠ Amazon

E24: What Is This Thing?

Hints: 1) It's a feel-good kind of product; 2) It's also a fun little sucker; 3) If you can flesh out what it is, you'll see the light.

$29.95 ➠ Amazon

Gerber DoubleDown Folding Machete

Gerber's new DoubleDown Folding Machete reminds me that as boss as I feel walking around with a machete dangling from my belt loop, the look doesn't always go over well in the office or at the Starbucks. But now! A 15" slashing and whacking beast that folds down to half its size, and secures its 6.75" recurve blade inside a balisong-style handle that butterflies shut! I can carry that in my backpack. Or in the kangaroo pocket of my favorite hoodie.

Or probably still dangle it from my belt loop, but without feeling the ripples of instant recognition and pissed offedness from co-workers and baristas.

$120 to $130 ➠ Gerber Gear

The Lollipop Wipe - Chocolate-Flavored Crotch Cleaner

It tastes like dark chocolate and it's latex-compatible, ladies and gentlemen. Lollipop Wipes are individually wrapped pieces of black rayon paper infused with an edible - and dark-chocolate-flavored! - water-based cream. They're "intimate wipes with gentle cleansing properties," made for "a spontaneous affair as well as a well-planned romantic encounter."

In other words, Lollipop Wipes are crotch cleaners. Junk jazzer uppers. Sack sprucers and fanooter fresheners that will make you feel confident about your roll in the hay or, if you're lucky, a little how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Lollipop Wipe action.

$14.99 ➠ Amazon

Stinger Whip Car Emergency Tool

I'm not sure what sort of "car emergency" I'd need an 18" stainless steel construction cable whip for, but OK Stinger Whip. If you want to throw a glass breaker and a seatbelt cutter onto your self defense scourge's kubaton-style grip and call it a "car emergency tool," go right ahead.

And then in the next breath point out that "The Stinger Whip has been designed with concealment, comfort, and simplicity in mind." Its grip is ergonomic and has a clip for securing the whip in a number of different positions on your body, or on a purse or backpack.

$29.99 ➠ Amazon

Little Tipsy Jello Shot Tower

It's J-E-L-L-O shot J-E-N-G-A, baby! The Little Tipsy Jello Shot Tower is a handmade game of skill and coordination that challenges both even further by building booze into the building process.

Fifteen of the Little Tipsy Jello Shot Tower's 54 blocks have depressions and custom lidded cups that hold 1-ounce Jello shots. The set comes with 25 reusable cups, plus laminated rules and a recipe card. Total Tipsy Tower height is 27".

$69 ➠ Amazon

The Wyld Cup Stainless Steel Party Cup

Crowned The Official Party Cup, this line of stainless steel beverage bringers is indeed ready to party in over a dozen different Wyld colors, and 16- and 24-ounce sizes. But Wyld Cups are also double-wall insulated, and come with a WyldSlyder Leakproof Lid and no-slip grip rubber base, so you can enjoy your beverages ice cold - or steaming hot - for hours, making them an equally ideal companion on camping, fishing, and road trips.

$19.99 to $24.99 ➠ Wyld Gear

WASP Less-Lethal Weapon Accessory

The WASP weapon accessory is an add-on for your existing 9mm pistol that converts it into a less-lethal self defense option for a single round. The WASP impact baton fits into the gun's barrel and, when fired, shoots as a blunt but powerful "dart" into your target. Once the WASP is ejected, the delivering firearm can, if necessary, resume shooting standard 9mm ammunition with no further modifications required.

$119.99 ➠ Amazon

Ace Collection Jumbo Mattresses

I've got an ace up my mattress for all the bed hogs, parents and pet owners, tossers and turners, spread-eagle sleepers, and rambunctious rollers in the hay out there: the Ace Collection. The Ace Collection is a line of jumbo mattresses - and I mean jumbo mattresses - that will put even your California king bed to shame.

The Ace Collection's "standard" mattress, what they call Ace Size is a girthy 108" wide. By comparison, a king mattress is 76" wide. For ye tall drinks of water Ace also makes a Player Size mattress that turns its width 90 degrees - this slumber buddy is a stretch-ready 108" long x 80" wide.

Prices Vary ➠ Ace Collection

E22: What Is This Thing?

Hints: 1) Your mama and her wisdom would not approve; 2) Just like my last What Is This Thing? this What Is This Thing? is used on the human body; 3) If you really need one, you probably haven't heard about it already.

$7.99 ➠ Amazon

Romotow Open & Spin Luxury Travel Trailer

The Romotow travel trailer is a snazzy open & spin RV design from New Zealand-based W2 Architecture. The firm developed their space-creating concept several years ago, and have just begun construction of the first Romotow fleet, possibly to come forth and meet all of your road tripping and ~~camping~~ glamping needs by the end of this year.

Or perhaps to become the new vehicular mascot for Apple.

Inquire for Pricing ➠ Romotow

Unleash the Kraken Male Vibrator (NSFW)

While we normally think of the kraken as wielding tentacles of asphyxiation and death, what if in fact the giant squid is all about pleasure? What if his tentacles, as they appear willing and able to do in this male vibrator, just want to suck you into a strong, but soft squeeze? And then keep on sucking and squeezing not with hostility and aggression, but with love. In a way that makes you feel nothing but joy and happiness. Such happiness. Especially at the ending.

This, dudes, is a friendly sea monster for your p-monster.

$19.99 ➠ Amazon

Life-Size Baby Yoda Replica

Life-size and life-like, the Baby Yoda - or The Child, if you succumb to formalities - figure from Sideshow Collectibles is going to make a lot of fans of The Mandalorian very happy. And for fans of intense adorability? Get ready to wet your pants.

The bounty that is 1:1 scale Baby Yoda stands a precious 16.5" tall, including his black podium base.

$350 ➠ Sideshow

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