14 of the Best Holiday Decorations for 2020
My collection of 14 of the best holiday decorations for 2020 contains a major Christmas gift to you from me: it is free of toilet paper, hand sanitizer, face masks, elections, republicans, democrats, and any reference to global pandemics and politics.
Well. It was, anyway, until I just dropped all those buzzwords. Sorry.
Holiday decor product prices are listed as they were printing. Prices are subject to change.
Swedish Christmas Gnome Lights
There's gnome place like home. There's no place like gnome. There's no place better than home to line up a trio of light-up Swedish Christmas Gnomes. Gnome my goodness, I cannot believe how bad I want to tug their beards. Honk their noses. Present them to my wife knowing they will absolutely melt her heart, and possibly make her feel like presenting me with something in return. If you gnome what I mean.
Nightmare Before Christmas Black Light Village
If Christmas Christmas isn't your thing, the Nightmare Before Christmas Black Light Village from Bradford Exchange recreates elements of the Halloween Town featured Tim Burton's groundbreaking film. Sculpted and hand-painted with full detail the set includes Jack Skellington's house, Town Hall, and the cemetery gate, plus Jack, Sally, Zero, a skeleton tree, and Mayor and his car figurines. All pieces are further enhanced by an included 12" black light fixture that, when activated, creates the nifty, Nightmarish glow.
Christmas Tree Wine Bottle Rack
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, how bubbly are your branches! Red and white, maybe some orange too, if you're into funky wine. The Christmas Tree Wine Bottle Rack is a stunning holiday gift for girlfriends, mamas, and Christmas parties, not just for the way it looks stocked with up to 60 bottles of wine, but for the way it will light up as those bottles are removed.
First it will light up your girlfriend, then your mama, then the entire party.
Christmas Vacation Advent House Calendar
Count down to Christmas with the Griswolds. The Christmas Vacation Advent House Calendar is a miniature replica of the one featured in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, complete with backlighting to illuminate the 23 quaint scenes awaiting you behind each of the calendar's doors. (On December 1 you'll celebrate by lighting up the house's atrium and tower.)
A Christmas Story 8' Living Projection Inflatable
Gemmy's A Christmas Story 8' Living Projection Airblown Inflatable might be the easiest way to make sure your house is the one cars park outside to stare at this holiday season. ... Maybe tied with tossing together a mannequin scene of Santa in an orgy with some of his lingerie-clad Little Helpers.
Anyway, my point is there's no need to spend the time and frustration, plus possible fuse blows and falls off the roof, going all Clark Griswold to project your Christmas Spirit this year. You just need a Gemmy projector to do it for you. The Christmas Story Living Projection Airblown Inflatable uses "advanced, high-tech image mapping" to roll 5 scenes from the life of Ralphie Parker across a 96" x 22" in x 89" blow-up screen shaped like a retro television set.
The Grinch Airblown Inflatable Car Buddy
You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. But I'll put up with your bah-humbug comments and general cantankerousness if you'll wear a jacket and baseball cap and help me cheat drive in the carpool lane.
The Grinch Airblown Inflatable Car Buddy self-inflates to 42" x 17" x 24" of passenger-seat-ready positioning. Just buckle your green grump up to hold him in place for festive drives during everything from your morning commute to Christmas parades.
Alternatively, use the stakes and tethers included with the Grinch Airblown Inflatable Car Buddy to set him up as a Christmas decoration on your front lawn.
Scrabble Tile String Lights with Customizable Letters
This set of Scrabble String Lights from Paladone comes with 10 illuminated 2.25" square Scrabble tiles that stretch 70" long. Tiles are blank, left for you to fill in with 60 reusable and interchangeable letter stickers, and create custom words and messages to suit your mood or the situation. Think WELCOME. PEACE. PARTY TIME. MERRY XMAS. ... 2020 SUCKS. YOU STINK. NO FARTING. I LIKE SEX. I AM HORNY. SEXY TIME. I LOVE BUD. I LOVE ALE. I HATE RUM. I HATE PIE. ... Sike! Who the heck hates pie?! I LOVE PIE.
420 Science breaks it out only once a year, so if a 14" long, 8-bowled glass Grav Labs Menorah bong is what you've been foregoing 20 sacks and Gordita Supremes to save up for since May, here's your chance to turn your pipe dream into your dream pipe.
Since its original debut, 420 Science has scaled down the Menorah bong to desktop size, though they promise this version "can still pack an enormous hit." With all 8 bowls bubbling together when you take hold, those who make each of these fine specimens of a high holy day to order wish you good luck trying to hit them all at once.
Car Roof Star Lights
Uber and Lyft drivers, this little piece of holiday cheer is for you! Pimp out your ride, and make every night a night of a thousand Christmas stars for your passengers with a tiny light projector that casts a big starry sky onto the roof of your car. Bonus: you can plug it back in for Valentine's Day and the 4th of July.
Who am I kidding? You can plug it back in every Saturday night.
Corner Christmas Tree
A slim 'n' svelte bit of festive decor for apartment dwellers, those with limited space, and ye who want to pack every nook and cranny of your house with holiday decorations. This pre-lit artificial Christmas tree stands 7' tall, but spreads its boughs just 18" wide.
Twerking Santa Claus
Twerking Santa Claus and his rump-shakin' special sauce aren't new for this Christmas season, but the fact that he's back on the shelves means something even better: the booty bouncer is well on his way to becoming a holiday classic.
Twerking Santa, who likes big butts and cannot lie per the demo video (you can see it here), stands about 13.5" tall, which sounds pretty long, strong, and down to get the friction on to me. In addition to adding Twerking Santa as the ass cherry on top of your own festive decor, you might also consider his battery- and push-button-operated cheeky moves and grooves for a literal offering in this year's Dirty Santa gift exchange.
Christmas Tree Kitty Carpet - Reusable Crotch Wig
Wife or girlfriend wishing for a kitty under the Christmas tree this year? Welp, get her a Christmas Tree Kitty Carpet and you'll basically be giving her exactly what she asked for. While saving yourself the allergic reactions, claw marks, and litter box duties.
Typically it's the kitties that can't wait to pounce on your Christmas tree, but with this reusable crotch wig we see what might be the first Christmas tree that can't wait to pounce on your kitty. We've seen that which they call "merkins" around here before, and while the Kitty Carpet doesn't use real human hair or try to replicate the coarse and coiled look of real bushy pubic hair, it is still recommended for use in covering up "botched Brazilians, misbehaved shaves, and unveiled vajayjays."
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Village
You can go all out Clark Griswold and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation on your holiday decorating this year without risking falling off the roof or running up a thousand-dollar electrical bill. Just make yourself a Christmas Vacation Village with these miniatures from Department 56.
Oh, it's gonna be the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f**king Kaye.
Grinch Christmas Tree Decoration & Ornament Holder
2020. It's the meanest, Grinchiest year ever. The Grinch shouldn't just be Christmas 2020's mascot, but the overlord of the entire year.
But also, Craft a Day Keep Doc Away's Grinch Christmas tree decoration and ornament holder is absolutely adorable. Doesn't it make you smile? It's OK. Go ahead. Smiling about Christmas in mid-October is just fine in 2020, because...because...WTF else do we have to look forward to right now but Christmas?