Polaris RZR XP 1000

Posted: August 07, 2013
Polaris RZR XP 1000
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Even though the Polaris RZR XP 1000 is obviously a gnarly off-road beast, the first words that come to mind when I look at it are "dune buggy." What a sissy name for any legitimate form of motorized entertainment. A dune buggy isn't what a testosterone-jacked adrenaline junkie would use to barrel with 107 HP through mud and up jagged terrain. It's what a helpless little baby with a blanky and the spice melange would use to trip out and travel through time. And "all terrain vehicle" represents only a slight improvement, sounding all stuffy and pocket protector-like. Shortened to ATV it's not so bad, but still not an adequate match for the likes of "supercar" and "crotch rocket."

I guess they can't call Polaris' 2014 release a "bulldozer" because we already have an entirely different genre of vehicles that have claimed that title...but how about...how about a bullshit dozer? As in, Go ahead and lay down some bullshit shrubbery or some bullshit loose gravel ascending a steep incline or some bullshit Do Not Enter signs. 'Cause the RZR XP 1000 will take one look at your bullshit geographical formations and your bullshit rules of the (not) road and doze right over that bullshit.

With surprising smoothness and comfort due to its Walker Evans anti-bottoming needle shocks and 16"/18" front/rear travel suspension system.

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